My Heart's Desire

I was reminded the other day of my greatest desire. I forget every now and then because I haven't yet aquired it. I tend to get distracted by guys, social things or the latest issue or challenge. Consitency is something I really need. But I was reminded the other day of my heart's desire, to sit at his feet like Mary, Martha's sister, did. To see him do whatever he is doing and be awestruck. Just as Jesus himself was when he would only do what he saw his Father in Heaven doing. I want to see what he's doing in Heaven and on Earth and be a part of it.

Lately, I've been trying to fill my heart with other things. But what I really want is the zeal of Christ in me. To have a burning desire for Him and nothing else. The truth is the things I've tried to fill myself with dont satify. Especially having crushes on guys, even being pursued by guys. It feels great, but it doesn't satisfy. Its like being high on some drug then crashing.

I have experienced the high one gets in knowing God. His presence intoxicates and takes me into heavenly realms. But if scripture says were are seated with him in heavenly places, (Eph. 2:6) then I want to live there. To live in His presence. And even more than to just be intoxicated, but to see His face, to see his hand. To know his heart. To live in His love for me and to drink it up like water.

When I first was baptized, I would wake up in the middle of the night from what felt like a shock. It wasn't painful, just electric. I awoke from being shaken awake. In the darkness I could feel the Holy Spirit, calming me, saying "It's me. I'm doing a work in you." I understood it as He was cleansing me, in my spirit. Sometimes it would happen a few times in one night. Other times just once.

During that same time in my life I used to paddle canoe and the Lord told me he wanted me to quit. I had a dream the morning of a regatta that there were two paths I could go down. One path was filled with the people I paddled with and partied with. The other path was longer and was lit up. I woke up and sensed I need to go on the other path and not remain on the path I was currently on. I went for a run as we had a race that day. But half way through my run I realized He wanted me to change paths asap. Not later that day, not later that week, or month but right there.

I didn't show up at the regatta that day, and my coach was really mad I bailed like that. I need to get back to my first love and my focus that I once had. It seemed so easy then. But now nothing seems to satisfy and I know why. Until I let Him fill me completely with His Spirit nothing will.

He really has never left me, (Deut. 31:6), though I have turned away and chased after and desired other things.

This is a season I really need to press into him and make him my ultimate focus. I can fast food, pray with great faith for others, or commit to meetings and events but to sit for an hour and focus on the Lord just seems impossible for me. I'm all about tasks and business but so desire to sit at this feet. The very thing which seems so hard to do. Though I know that is the only way I can look at His face and capture his gaze. I also know that only from that place can I bring heaven to earth.

So I'm writing this so I actually do it. Kinda a kick in the butt so to say. Either great posts will come from it or it'll be more boring stuff of my tedious life. Pray something comes of it so you can read of awesome works of God.